Group+Three+-+Paragraph+One

Ofa:

First of all, according to World Health Organisation (1998), it is crucial and important for children to reach a level where they could maintain and sustain a lifelong healthier life starting from early childhood right up to adolescence. In order for a child to initiate living in this lifelong healthy life, Health Sectors all around the country help to stimulate health promotions or campaigns. This will help deliver the most active and proficient way to influence **youngsters** into the habit of living a healthy life in the near future. So WHO (1998) suggests having nutrition interventions **starting** at school helps children to accomplish excellent health. Also nutrition contained in a healthy diet is required for youngsters to improve regular school attendance and also to show best class performance at all times. In America, Campaign for Healthy Kids (2010) states that they help with the funding of public health interventions which it will make an effort to get rid of childhood obesity. This is due to the fact that obese or overweight sets our children into higher risk for serious health problems.
 * __Educating Children For A Healthy Life: Health Promotions.__**

Organisation, W. H. (1998). WHO Information Series On School Health. 14-56

Kids, C. f. H. (2010). "Childhood Obesity." from [].

Eunice: i don't thinkyou need s of the generates of the second sentence. and it would sound nicer if you can break the sentence into 2 senetences. Can you give more info of how thw health sectors help to gnenerate health promotion and interventions? Or some other ways health is promoted?

Ofa: Yes you are right Eunice now that I have looked at it properly, it is a long sentence. Ok well break it up aye thanks.

Daisy: hi, firstly i think u need to find more information about healthy promotion.. until now, its not clear enough to convince me. secondly, i think crucial and important is the same meaning...and " maintain **ans** sustain" i think it is **and**? Moreover, the forth line's "kids" is not an academic word, maybe change to children or youngsters. the fifth line's "start", we think "starting" is better

Fatima: yes, I agree with you both.
 * important= crucial >>> avoid repetetion
 * the 2ed sentence is very long.
 * I think only 3 sentence are not enough to cover the point.

Ofa: //Thank you ladies, I will fix that right away. **ALSO I had changed some few things on the paragraph, please let me know if there should be any changes.**// //Eunice: Everything is ok except you need to change kids into something acedemic and I think it is better to change start into starting in the 4th sentence.//

Fatima: I think you can't make the reference as your topic sentence, it should be just supporting?