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paragraph 2 why gangs are bad

Gangs are groups which consisted by bad people doing activities related to illegal and antisocial behaviors. According to website of New Zealand Police, gangs are categorized to a kind of organized crimes, as they are conducting crimes sharing a common identity or on behalf of a same title of criminal organization. Gangs are bad and dangerous; they are not merely involved in lightly crimes such as fighting and stealing, but also a sort of serious offenses. New Zealand gangs like Black Power and Nomad Gangs, which have been involved in serious violence, trading drugs, holding and using firearms and offensive weapons like guns, intimidation and threatening. Moreover motorcycle gangs in New Zealand also involved in manufacturing and selling drugs and managing prostitution businesses. Obvious to see that gangs are extremely dangerous that because they broke the laws and themoral norms. People can be hurt physically by fighting with members of gangs and getting damages by voluntarily offered drugs and vice services. Furthermore, gangs are also harm for our society as they can ruin the harmony and security of our society it is because youngster and adolescents are easy to be attracted by the gangs then being a part of them to extend influence of the gangs.

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 * ANDREY: Hi Michael, thank you for an interesting paragraph. I have a few queries to you regarding your writing. In the 4th sentence (line 3) seems standard sentence structure "Subject-Object-Verb" is going wrong. I believe the reason of that is a Relative Clause you use. Think it would be better if you transform RC to a Verb like that "New Zealand gangs as Black Power and Nomad Gangs have been involved in serious violence such as trading drugs, holding and using firearms and offensive weapons like guns, intimidation and threatening." However, I am not so good at grammar and might be not right at all. Also, some language might be soung in "more academic" style, just have a look at "a kind of"(line 2), "a sort of" (line 3), and "obvious to see" (line 5). I could not find a meaning of the "themoral" (line 6), apparently you missed a space in between and there is should be a comma after "moreover" (line 5). In addition, the prostitution is legal in New Zealand so the managing prostitution businesses does not make the motorcycle gangs worse. Seems my comments look nerdy so I must say something good! I really like the last sentence in your paragraph, because it relates to our main topic. Well done Michael and I am glad you finally did it! **
 * ANDREY: just a reminder! Please, don't forget to post your paragraph on "FINAL DRAFT" page by 02.06.11. **